Even if you and your partner's sex life hit a slump toward the end of your marriage, it's a little distressing to realize that suddenly even the option of regular sex is not there anymore. For many people, this is a real blow to their self-esteem. They start to worry about all sorts of things: Will anyone else find me attractive? Maybe my partner didn't find me satisfactory in bed - will anybody else? What will it be like when I'm with somebody else? The last time I had to take my clothes off in front of a stranger was 10+ years ago - how is that going to feel now that I'm older?

One thing should be made clear upfront: Don't go there - yet! It's a smart idea to put the new relationship out of your mind during the early days of divorce. It's true that you'll never sleep with your spouse again, and you might miss the romantic moments you used to enjoy together, but it's counter-productive to worry about future relationships while you're still working your way out of the old one.

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 12:04 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)

It's quite common that, following divorce, weekends and holidays are particularly hard on emotions - many newly divorced people do. This is probably the time you used to spend together, having fun or working on the house or running errands. Worse still, if your ex- has visitation with the children over the weekend, you may truly feel alone. Your tendency might be to look at weekends as an endless chasm, but if you indulge this attitude you'll only be emphasizing your feelings of aloneness. Suggestion: Think of the weekend as a time of opportunity, a blank slate, and go ahead and indulge yourself. Here are some ways you might choose to expand your weekend horizons:

* Take a class. Check with your local adult education center. The options vary - from dance classes to cooking classes!

* Attend sporting events. This could be pro ball games or the Little League match ups at a local park.

* Volunteer your time. Help out at the hospital's children's wing or serve meals at the local shelter. Helping others can rejuvenate you and reinforce feelings of self-worth.

* Take a walk - in the mall, on the beach, or explore neighborhoods in your town. It's good both for your body and your psyche.

* Visit a day spa for a massage, manicure, facial or some other form of pampering. Go ahead and indulge yourself.

* Start a big project. Paint a room, put up wallpaper or install a ceiling fan. Changing the appearance of a room is a big help post-divorce.

* Plan events for your family. Picnics, parties, reunions, dinners - all will help your family to bond in an enjoyable way.

* Reconnect with people by e-mail or letters. Your new status is reason enough to write, but wait until you can do so objectively and without complaining!

Whatever you decide to do, the important thing to realize is that now your plans come first and there is no reason to shelve them for someone else. This can be a positive realization, and you'll soon learn to relish this new freedom to indulge your own interests and no somebody else's.

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 7:50 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)