Every divorce lawyer gets the same question when retained by a new client in the domestic relations field - "How long will this take?" And every divorce lawyer gives (or at least should give) the same answer - "It depends." While there are certain definable factors that can help your lawyer determine how long the process will take, such as the court's calendar, tone taken by opposing counsel, etc.

Because a complaint involves two parties, who are generally at odds in the first place, neither one will be able to control everything that happens. Either party can greatly influence the tempo and tone of the case. If one party is anxious to resolve matters amicably while the other fights every issue down to the very last detail, there is very little that the reasonable party can do to avoid a difficult and expensive road. Either party generally has the right to contest any issue that affects him or her, the children, marital assets, and any other relevant concern. As a result, the court normally will not decide a contested issue without at least some type of motion session without regard to that matter. The more issues that are contested, and the higher the stakes, the more the court will be involved, the more it will cost, the longer it will take.

Certainly it makes sense to entertain settlement discussions, but for now remember how it is almost better to compromise and resolve than to disagree and go to court.

One way to help avoid a bad outcome is to make sure you take an active role in your case. This sounds simple, but in times of intense emotional distress, many of us are tempted to throw all our difficulties into our lawyers' laps and expect them to solve the problems of the world. It is imperative that you insist on being made aware of all discussions, negotiations, and other aspects of your case as they happen. You should not merely hear the conclusion of a negotiation, but rather, you should play an active part

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 8:20 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)

Divorce is never easy on children, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of the children. Because children need to know they are "part mom" and "part dad," the criticism can batter the child's self-esteem.
   
2. Do no use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better
   
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume they they are to blame for their parents' hostility.
   
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
   
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children's interests -- not yours -- are paramount and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at every opportunity.
   
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
   
7. If you have a drinking or dug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
   
8. If you are the child support obligor, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
   
9. If you are the primary parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child's sense of abandonment and further erodes their stability.
   
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer the children from the trauma of their parent's divorce.
    

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 12:05 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)