Once the divorce process begins, it is not out of the ordinary for litigants to make comments with the hopes of intimidating, upsetting, or causing stress for each other. Additionally, not only is it not uncommon, but it's really easy - after all, think about it: because of the close relationship, and how well each of you knows each other, it's a simple talk knowing which remarks to make that will cause the maximum response on the intended "victim."

The typical remarks we hear about (and subsequently explain to our clients in the attempt to calm their worries) include:

"I'm going to drag the case on forever. By the time we're done, you'll have nothing - and I'll see to it that it ends-up that way!"

"I've got the best lawyer in town. He (or she) is going to crush your lawyer."

"Your lawyer is a well-known crook. He (or she) is only dragging this out in order to get money that should be going to the kids."

"My lawyer knows all of the judges. There's no way that you'll get a good result - give up now!"

"I'm going to get custody of the children, move, and you'll never see them again...mark my words."

"I'm going to tell the children the real truth about this divorce and they'll learn who you really are."

"You can't trust the lawyers - they're all friendly with each other and they're taking our money."

It is often said that retaining a Divorce Dream Team goes a long way in building a strong case in court, and our attorneys will tell you how there is rarely any basis for these comments. Their only purpose is to provoke the opposition. Don't live with needless emotional stress and anxiety. Ignore your soon-to-be ex-spouse, recognize the motivation behind his (or her) comments, and focus on the divorce issues that matter.

Learn more by listening to our Divorce Seminars or reading about how to deal with your ex-spouse.

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 10:15 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)

Co-Parenting after a divorce can be a difficult thing. You've spent years with your former partner only to realize that your relationship won't be forever. You might not want to ever see this person again, but if you have children, this person will be in your life for many years to come. The labels "Wife" and "Husband" may no longer apply, but the labels "Mom" and "Dad" will never go away.

If you're a new co-parent, you should resolve to make 2009 as easy for your children as possible. If you've been a co-parent for a while, you should resolve to make 2009 the most cooperative year yet! Here's a list of resolutions to help you start the new year off right for yourself and your children.

1. Resolve to put your children's needs ahead of any problems you may be having with your former spouse. Your children love both parents and shouldn't have to worry about conflict between their mom and dad. They need to maintain a good relationship with both parents.

2. If your interaction with the other parent is contentious, resolve to limit your conversations with the other parent only to topics dealing with your children.

3. Try to better agree on rules to enforce while the children are in each parent's home. Avoid confusing the children.

4. Resolve to keep a connection to your children even when it's not your day to see them. Send emails, texts and instant messages. You don't want to be a visitor in your children's lives.

However, if your co-parenting plan isn't working out even though you're doing your best to make it work, give me a call and we'll see if there's anything we can do to help you out!

Posted by Sarah De Oliveira, Esquire at 8:22 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)

If you are a victim of domestic violence, you are not alone. Each year, as many as 4 million women in the United States are victims of domestic violence. While women clearly make up the vast majority of domestic violence victims, men and children are also its victims.

Domestic violence includes physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and stalking. An abuser's need for power and control is often woven through many domestic violence situations, regardless of the type of abuse.

An abuser may try to control their partner by making threats of physical violence in order to get what they want. They may also exert power over their partner by using the concept of "male privilege" which involves treating their partner like a servant or by making all the decisions and deciding how men and women should behave. Or, an abuser may economically abuse their partner by preventing the partner from having a job, demanding that the partner ask for money or by completely denying the partner access to any family income.

Often an abuser will use separation or divorce as a means to further abuse their partner. Typically, an abuser will use the couple's children to control their partner, threaten to take the children away or use custody and visitation as an opportunity to harass their ex-partner. An abuser may also try to intimidate their partner by destroying property, showing their partners a weapon or by abusing the family pet.

If you are currently living in an abusive situation and you are considering separation or divorce, it is critical that you learn more about these issues and how to deal with your ex-spouse. There are steps you can take to protect yourself and your children. You have a right to be safe and you do not need to compromise your legal rights. There are resources available to you.

Posted by at 11:02 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)

On a daily basis, the attorneys at our firm get are bombarded with questions from clients about how to use - or not use - the telephone to communicate with their spouse - or former spouse.

My best advice: use technology. Get an answering machine or set-up a voicemail program with your local phone company. These devices allow you to screen your calls, and you can return the calls of the people who you want to speak to. If your partner calls and curses - or threatens you - you can bring that to court for the judge to hear.

The different telephone companies offer services that may also be worthwhile to you at this point. Consider the following:

Call Tracing: This traces calls so that you can prove to the court who made the call.

Call Blocking: This locks out calls from certain numbers. You can block out or soon-to-be or former spouse.

Dial "69": This identifies the number from which the last call to you originated from.

Call Forwarding: From my own personal experience, this works wonders! I had a call every morning between 2:30 and 3:00 a.m. These calls (and pleadings) both upset me and deprived me of sleep. I forwarded the number to the local police department and the calls soon stopped!

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 8:39 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)

When I advise divorcing clients, I encourage cordial and reasonable negotiations - otherwise, the uncontested matter can go south very quickly! What I have noticed, however, is that older clients are often more vindictive toward on another than the younger clients who are divorcing.

When children are grown and out of the house, the new empty-nesters often have fewer reasons to stay together. Resentments boil up. Invariably, one party will say, "I want out...I don't care what it costs, but I don't want him (or her) to get anything."

This attitude invariably results in both sides losing financially. It isn't worth it. If you're in this position and considering divorce, protect yourself and your assets. Have a specific plan as it relates to your home, business interests, insurance, alimony and any of your retirement benefits.

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 11:00 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)