Experts agree that, often times, the following signs of divorce are a tip-off that your marriage is over:

- There's a lack of intimacy. Neither of you communicate about the downward spiral - you've simply gone from lovers to roommates.

- The two of you fight constantly, and you've lost the ability or interest in resolving your marital problems.

- One, or both, of you over-schedule yourselves and avoid going home.

Sadly enough, even when two people have everything they once wanted - a home, a family...even a loving spouse - it may not be enough.

One of the hardest realities to accept is that, once divorce begins, you and your partner have competitive and distinct economic interests. Accordingly, the prudent thing to do is to step up to the plate, take control of the situation, and manage your divorce like a business.

The first step is to start preparing for divorce. Create a document checklist and begin making copies of the most basic finances. The second step is to hire a lawyer. While you do have the right to represent yourself, getting started with divorce and the push to file first tends to be a stressful process - especially if you take matters into your own hands.

Waiting for divorce to begin may be too late. Ask those who have been there before - the key is divorce planning, having a game plan and building a "divorce team" to protect both you and your children.

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 1:24 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)

Unfortunately, infidelity crops up among couples of every age group, financial demographic and ethnic group, says private investigator Julia Hareley Moore in her book Infidelity Sleuth. While betrayed women often remain committed, the accompanying stress can take years off your life. Here are common signs of infidelity from a male spouse:

1. Something Different. One morning he may wear a shirt he doesn't normally wear to work and he'll say, "Well, it was the first thing I grabbed" or "Everything else was in the laundry basket." While you might put that aside for a moment, that's the kind of change in behavior that starts someone thinking that there may be a problem.

2. Changes in behavior: All of the sudden, out of the blue, he decides, "My God, I've got to lose weight. Look at the state of me. I better start going to the gym. Gee, I should change my hair style. I might just change what I am wearing." These are commons signs that he may have met somebody. They're also common neon signs going off to any wife.

3. Mobile Love. It's another neon sign going off...the first thing someone will do when they're having an affair is their mobile phone, Treo, or BlackBerry becomes like a baby. They're constantly checking it.

4. A cheater is always busy. Is there a certain day of the week that you can't get in touch with him? Or are there certain days when business meetings always pop up later in the evening? Start checking if he's where he says he is.

5. The Money Trail: Someone who is cheating emotionally may also be cheating financially. If they feel something isn't right emotionally, they need to get their hands on the bank records, credit card statements, and even the cell phone records.

6. Cheating can happen with men or women. Just as many women betray as men, but they usually don't get caught. Women are usually better liars and they have a plan.

7. Is it Detective Time? If you have a good idea that something is going on, let surveillance prove it. Using a private detective takes away some of the stress and strain of the hunt. Plus, suspicious spouses tend to worry too much about getting caught.

• Accidental slip-ups on the part of your spouse or someone else. These can clue you into what's been happening behind your back.

• Hang up calls or someone saying they have the wrong number.

• Unusual items in the ashtray or car seat. Also pay attention to changes in the position of the passenger seat of any family cars.

• Requests for your schedule or itinerary more often than usual.

• Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about an affair or have been told stories about what a horrible spouse you are)

• New e-mail accounts or screen names begin to appear on the home computer.

• Incoming calls are deleted from the caller ID device or incoming e-mails are deleted as they accumulate.
  

Posted by Irwin M. Pollack, Esq. at 8:00 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0) | Comments (0)