Experts agree that, often times, the following signs of divorce are a tip-off that your marriage is over:

- There's a lack of intimacy. Neither of you communicate about the downward spiral - you've simply gone from lovers to roommates.

- The two of you fight constantly, and you've lost the ability or interest in resolving your marital problems.

- One, or both, of you over-schedule yourselves and avoid going home.

Sadly enough, even when two people have everything they once wanted - a home, a family...even a loving spouse - it may not be enough.

One of the hardest realities to accept is that, once divorce begins, you and your partner have competitive and distinct economic interests. Accordingly, the prudent thing to do is to step up to the plate, take control of the situation, and manage your divorce like a business.

The first step is to start preparing for divorce. Create a document checklist and begin making copies of the most basic finances. The second step is to hire a lawyer. While you do have the right to represent yourself, getting started with divorce and the push to file first tends to be a stressful process - especially if you take matters into your own hands.

Waiting for divorce to begin may be too late. Ask those who have been there before - the key is divorce planning, having a game plan and building a "divorce team" to protect both you and your children.

If you have children, one of your greatest concerns may be how divorce will affect your children. For many, the questions to ask and issues to address are endless: how should you explain divorce to your children? Which spouse moves out? How do you deal with the marital home? How should you ease the children's transition between two homes? Who gets custody?

Experts agree that, no matter what the answers are to the questions above, for the sake of your children's best interests, put aside any hurt and anger you may be feeling about your spouse so that you can address what your children need most. Furthermore, tell your children how you are not divorcing them, too. When children don't understand what is going on, they tend to draw their own conclusions - and often blame themselves for the divorce.

Chances are that your children will have many questions. After you've told them about divorce, expect to revisit the topic several times as they address questions of their own. Expect that they'll want to know where they are going to live, where their brothers or sisters will live, whether they'll have to move, change schools, etc.

To learn more, read about the custody and visitation process, breaking the news to children or learning more about how divorce affects children. If you anticipate a custody battle, learn more about custody evaluations, what to do when children don't want to visit, and issues relating to parental alienation or parental kidnapping.

Once you understand the concept of the equitable distribution statute in Massachusetts, there are two different types of property that you need to divide with your spouse - real property and personal property.

When it comes to real property (real estate), it comes down to you thinking about the pros and cons of keeping the marital home.

Personal property is the harder of the two, and if you and your spouse are having trouble reaching agreement about how to divide what you've accumulated over the years, here are the latest tips from our divorce lawyers and family law attorneys:

1. Realize early-on that you're not going to get everything (or leave your spouse without anything). The best thing you can do is list everything that you and your spouse own - individually or jointly - from either before marriage or among those assets that you've accumulated during your marriage. Next to each item, assign a dollar value. This value should represent the current value, and not the replacement value. Think about it: one spouse keeps the television, and the other will have to purchase a new one.

Once you're done with the list, add-up the total value of all your items, divide the total in half, and decide what's on your priority list and what may be on your spouse's list. Do your best to make it a best-scenario, all things considered!
Courts appreciate when couples can decide amongst themselves the division of all personal property. Judges would rather not get involved in arguments over the hammock, the couch, or grandma's antique china.

2. Choose items alternatively. Go to the list you made in #1, then each of you take turns selecting items from the list without regard for the value of items selected.

3. You and your spouse list all of your property (as outlined in #1 above), and then one spouse divides this "master list" into two lists (as evenly as possible), and the other chooses which list he or she wants.

4. Consider selling everything, and then divide the proceeds evenly.

5. Consider conducting a private auction whereas each of you bid against the other on any property that you cannot agree on. From there, payment can be made from one to the other in order to equalize the division of property.

Years ago, the "Tender Years" Doctrine assumed that the mother was presumed to be the better parent for children under the age of six. Today, the law governing the custodial interests of parents as to their unemancipated children is construed in a gender-neutral manner.

Interestingly enough, parents possess a fundamental liberty interest, protected by the 14th Amendment, to be free from unnecessary governmental intrusion in the raising of their children. Upon divorce, however, when parents cannot agree, that's when the court can justify its imposition. Quite often, the Judge may order a Guardian Ad Litem investigation to assist the court in determining the best interest of the child. If you sense there may be a custody battle, contact us or read about how to prepare your case for custody.

While Judges, lawyers and even divorce litigants speak of a parent's "right" to custody, this is misleading. It's more accurate to refer to a parent's "interest" in raising a child rather than their "right." After all, in Massachusetts the focus will always be on the welfare of a child rather than on the rights of his or her parents. This is a hard concept for many parents to understand. Especially when heightened emotions (like those in a divorce) come into play, litigants find themselves doing things that they may think they have a right to do, but actually hurt them because their actions are viewed as being disingenuous. Just to be safe, you should read about custody risk factors.

To learn more, go to our quick link on custody/visitation. If you're concerned about changing a custody order, go here.