Some years ago, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers assembled a committee which focused on the Special Concerns of Children. That committee published a "Children's Bill of Rights" which reads as follow:

Every child should know he or she has rights, particularly when their mom and dad are splitting up. Below are some thing parents shouldn't forget -- and kids shouldn't let them -- when the family is in the midst of a break up:

1. You have a right to love both of your parents. And you have a right to be loved by both of them. That means you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to see your dad or your mom at any time. It's important for you to have both parents in your life, particularly during difficult times, such as a divorce.
   
2. You do not have to choose one parent over the other. If you have an opinion about what parent you want to live with, let it be known. But nobody can force you to make that choice. If your parents can't work it out, a judge may make the decision for them.
   
3. You are entitled to all the feelings you are having. Don't be embarrassed by what you're feeling. It's scary when your parents break-up, and you're allowed to be scared. Or angry. Or sad. Or whatever!
   
4. You have the right to be in a safe environment. This means that nobody is allowed to put you in danger, either physically or emotionally. If one of your parents is hurting you tell someone -- either your other parent or a trusted adult, like a teacher.
   
5. You don't belong in the middle of your parents' break-up. Sometimes your parents might get so caught up in their own problems that they forget that you are just a kid. Remind them that you can't handle their adult worries.
   
6. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and siblings are still part of your life. Even if you are living with one parent, you can still see relatives on your other parent's side. You will always be a part of their lives, even if your parent's aren't together anymore.
   
7. You have the right to be a child. Kids shouldn't worry about adult problems. Concentrate on your school work, your friends, after-school activities, etc. Your mom and dad just need your love. They can handle the rest.
   

Helping children heal begins before any legal papers are filed, with how and when parents tell their children about their decision to break-up.

The first words children hear about divorce should be from their parents, as soon after the decision as possible. It is not to wait until one parent has already moved out of the house.

Ideally, both parents should be there when the children are told. Age plays a big role in how a child deals with divorce. If the children are roughly the same age, they should be told at the same time. If there is a wide age difference, it can be useful to tell them together, and then have separate meetings with the children individually, adapting each explanation to each child's level of understanding.

When informing children of an impending divorce, parents should not divulge such details as infidelity or sexual deprivation, and they should not blame one parent or the other. One possible approach is to present the divorce as a solution to the family's problems, an end to the fighting and tension that have filled the home with anger.

Honesty is a crucial element in informing children of the split. They should be told they their lives will change, and that some things, like spending time with the parent they're not living with most of the time, will be harder.

Children should be prompted to talk about their feelings with parents, family, friends, or a counselor.

It is best that parents not ask their children to choose with which parent they want to live. If they have an opinion on the matter, it will likely come out on its own. If they do not, they shouldn't be put in the position of choosing between one parent or the other.

In Massachusetts, courts are beginning to order parenting plans. These plans typically allow both parents to have an equal say in decision-making on the child's behalf, even if the physical parenting time may not be equally divided.

Although sharing parenthood with a former partner can be difficult, co-parenting is one of the best ways parents can show their children how much they love them.

Family law attorneys often hear from parents that their children still dream about being part of the storybook family: a mommy and daddy, several happy children and a dog all living blissfully under one roof. But as American divorce rates continue to rise, that dream is becoming a reality for fewer and fewer families.

In its place, for both parents and children, are opportunities. By stepping back from their own anger, divorcing parents can move closer to what should be a common goal for their children: maintaining a nurturing environment and minimizing the potentially traumatic byproducts of the so-called "broken home."

There are many resources available on this difficult subject -- check out some of my recommendations.