Divorce is never easy on children, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of the children. Because children need to know they are "part mom" and "part dad," the criticism can batter the child's self-esteem.
   
2. Do no use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better
   
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume they they are to blame for their parents' hostility.
   
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
   
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children's interests -- not yours -- are paramount and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at every opportunity.
   
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
   
7. If you have a drinking or dug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
   
8. If you are the child support obligor, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
   
9. If you are the primary parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child's sense of abandonment and further erodes their stability.
   
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer the children from the trauma of their parent's divorce.
    

If you are divorced and you want to move out of state I have one piece of advice for you -- not so fast!

Massachusetts has laws about moving out of state with your children. These laws are referred to as "removal laws." These removal laws deal with when a parent must ask the other parent for consent to remove the child, and when, if the other parent does not contest, the parent who seeks to remove the child must get permission from a judge.

If you and the child's other parent cannot agree, you need to show the judge that the move is in your child's best interests. In order to show that the move is in your child's best interests, you must first show that you have a good and sincere reason for moving and that your reason for moving is not to keep the other parent from having contact with the child.

You must also show that the move is in the child's best interests taking into account all legally relevant factors: how the child's quality of life will be improved and how the custodial parent's quality of life will be improved (from a better job, existence of parental support, etc.).

It will also behoove you to show that the possible effect of reducing or eliminating the child's relationship with the non-custodial parent is not by your own malicious moves and how moving (or not moving) will or will not effect the emotional, physical, or develop mental needs of the child.

Under Massachusetts law, no one of those factors is controlling. The judge considers all of the factors as a whole.

These removal cases are not new to us Call me -- or any of the attorneys at any of our offices or meeting locations -- for help.